Planet-IRL

My Thoughts on Design and Safety

I’m more of the old school type when it comes to Indycar racing, I am all for bringing in new fans, new designs and concepts. I have to admit it’s time to move on from the present design and bring on the new ideas and cars. After looking at the concept cars from Dallara, Swift, and Delta Wing, at the moment I’m all for the Swift chassis. Lola hasn’t been released yet which I am very anxious to see. Dallara and Swift designs I can live with. Delta Wing just gives me a really bad feeling when it comes to the safety factor. I can’t comprehend how this chassis would be able to turn at high speed considering the balance and weight distribution,it just looks wrong to me especially watching the You-Tube videos that have been posted. To be honest the Delta Wing looks like a jet with tires in some sort of video game gone wrong. I don’t claim to be an expert, far from it, but I have seen enough horrific side impacts in my day to make me question the purpose of not having sidepods protecting the driver on an Indycar. I can see the weight reduction factor to reduce the g-forces on impact, but without any dissipation another car would have with a sidepod it makes the impact that much more substantial. I just don’t want to see any driver lose limbs because of this type of design. Another thought that I have is a front impact collision. On the current car the wheels are more outboard and stay away from the driver’s feet, on the Delta Wing the wheels would be directly in front of the foot pedals, at high speed into a wall or another car the wheels would be directed rearward into the feet, that can be very bad also. Maybe the designers can make big changes to it, but I just don’t see that happening.  I sincerely hope that the Indycar Series takes the fan opinion into consideration before making their choice on the new chassis.

2 Seater Exhibition Race

If the IRL wants to bring in more fans they should have a 2 seater celebrity challenge at IMS. Here’s my list of driver and passenger combos. Also some of what I would expect to see before and during the race.

• Of course you have to start with Sarah Fisher and Ellen DeGeneres.  With the @Ellen2Indy500 campaign on twitter that Sarah has started, this one should happen. Hopefully they both come out wearing disco ball mirrored helmets dancing to Flo-Rida’s “LOW”. I feel like getting my groove on just thinking about it.
• EJ Viso and Alice Cooper.  Why you ask?  They’re both creepy.
• Mario Moraes and Joe Jonas.  I honestly think they are the same person and I’ve never seen them at the same place at the same time. Mario/Joe will probably be running solo at the drop of the green.
• Paul Tracy and his passenger will be 1982 AJ Foyt.  Wouldn’t it be cool to see them come screaming into the pits, spin out on a dropped high heel from one of Danica’s Go Daddy crew members and get taken out of the race. The transvestite pummeling would be priceless.
• Marco and Mario.  This round Mario’s driving. His car will be setup with a button that removes the front wings. Mario’s plan is coming out of turn four he will hit the button and the car backflips over the leaders.
• Graham Rahal and Rollie Fingers.  Bringing back the Stache baby!
• Justin Wilson and Kareem Abjul Jabar.  Their car will have to be twice the length of the other cars because their both 8 ft tall.
• Tomas Scheckter and Douglas P. Gernert, president of Isotoner.  Now he has a hook-up with an unlimited supply of gloves. The car will have a glove cannon built into both side-pods. It has the capability to unleash a fury of ten gloves per second.
• This one’s a slam dunk.  Dan Wheldon and Dr. Jack Miller.
• Ed Carpenter and Pinocchio.  It’s all about strategy. After the loss to Briscoe by a “nose” in Kentucky, guess who’s going to be lying like hell the last lap.
• Tony Kanaan and Smokey the Bear.  Smokey’s new slogan “Only your Pit Crew can Prevent a Car Fire”.
• Raphael Matos and Edward ScissorHands.  Time for a haircut and a shave.
• Bronte Tagliani with Alex Tagliani as her passenger.  Why? Because I said so that’s why!
• Danica Patrick with Oprah, get it.  Oprah Ellen, Ellen Oprah, on second thought scratch that Oprah gets enough attention. Danica Patrick and umm Hitler, naw some idiot already tried to pull that one off. Danica and let’s see thinking thinking OK got it. Danica and Martha Stewart.They can cuss like sailors while trading recipes and sewing tips.
• Vitor Meira and Will Power.  One word description, Bionic.
• Helio Castroneves and the Saturday Night Fever John Travolta (not the present husky and bald Travolta).  Can you say dance-off?
• Nelson Phillipe will run with the Tony Kanaan cardboard stand-up.  Rumor has it they’re pretty “close”.
• Scott Dixon and a block of ice, or the person that updates his twitter feed.  You know what, I think their one in the same.
• Mike Conway and the devil on his shoulder.  We shall name him Tomas Andretti.
• Hideki Mutoh and his new girlfriend.  What’s that, nobody has ever seen her. OK than, Hideki and his “new girlfriend” just go along with it.
• Ryan Briscoe’s passenger will be his new “smartcar” he just purchased.  It will fit in the rear cockpit with room to spare.
• Dario Franchitti and Sean Connery.  I double dog dare you to tell Sean Connery to say “they’re magically delicious” you’ll be eating out of a tube the rest of your pitiful existence.
• Ryan Hunter-Reay and Sylvester Stallone. The only catch instead of quarters flipping out of the cockpit, Stallone will be ejected from the cockpit automatically when the car hits 180 MPH. That’s payback for dropping acid before writing a movie about my beloved Indycar.
• Driving the pace car will be Robin Miller with “VOTE FOR  TONY COTMAN FOR KING OF THE UNIVERSE” banners all over it. He will have a 1970’s PA system with major feedback and noise. His words will sound something like this, “BARNHART (buzz) KNOW ANYTHING (buzz) COTMAN IS THE MAN!! (buzz) I LOVE (buzz) COTMAN!(buzz)  HE KNOWS(car veering into infield fishtailing at 100 mph, gets control back) EVERYTHING – IRL, CART, USAC (buzz). DONE RIGHT (buzz) CHAMPCAR RUINED CRAPWAGON SPEC MONEY (buzz)!! ALL HAIL KING COTMAN!”  (car runs through photographer’s stands at the end of the pits, PA goes silent)
• Green flag waves!

Where’s Wheldo?!?!?!?!